Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How's work?
Spinning.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
