I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
