Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i was born a porn star she said
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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