i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
