I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
