I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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