Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
