I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
