walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
