I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
