just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
