Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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