We named our party play list daddy issues
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
