Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
