never play flip cup with pint glasses
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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