Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
