when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
