Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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