the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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