During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
