dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
