i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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