Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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