how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm getting married
To pizza
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
