Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
