Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
