So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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