Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
