He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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