I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
