i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
