We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
