I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
