Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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