just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
