i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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