I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
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Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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