Umm I'm too high to move.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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