Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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