I hate your face
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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