Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
