remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
