one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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