everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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