I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
