my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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