Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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