Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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