u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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