Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
