So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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