i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
