She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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