either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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