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If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
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