Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..