We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.