Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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