i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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