I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
