Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
