i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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