funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
