Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
