I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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