I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
