the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
