dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
