i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
