I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.