it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
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We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
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if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen