all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?