he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?