I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
