the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
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It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.