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• (678): View more from Georgia

  I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.

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• 

  29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Thank god I got my shit together

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.

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• (425): View more from Washington

  The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.

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• (831): View more from California

  Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.

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• 

  21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.

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