Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.