BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
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My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
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MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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