Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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