Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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