I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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